The Story of Us

Something I made for someone special. This figure holds both sad and happy memories for me. 

Screaming infedelities....

I've learned things i am not supposed to know. 

I'm speechless. our trust on each other was once again threatened. believing in someone requires a huge amount of faith and sacrifice. some may call me stupid for holding on. but i dont care at all. i'm doing everything i can for someone i cant dare to lose. i've decided to endure. i pray to God toplease make all of these hardships worth it. 

“At some point, you just pull off the Band-Aid, and it hurts, but then it's over and you're relieved.” 
― John Green, Looking for Alaska

there's this guy who she was texting clearly stating he was just a friend but that guy is someone who have already confessed his interest in her. the guy was immediately friendzoned but their communication never did stopped. she texts him more often than she texts me. something i cannot grab to understand. she may have find refuge on someone else on those times she decided to stay away from me. she may have subconsciously enjoyed the feeling. but still im choosing to believe in her. 

“The only way out of the labyrinth of suffering is to forgive.” 
― John Green, Looking for Alaska

we need to set things straight. fix things.

I could have chosen to leave right at that moment but i didnt.. i should have stopped right then and there. i know things will be difficult from here on. i dont know if we can still make this work. 

ive written this blog to straighten my thoughts and summarize what happened today.

as of the moment my head is throbbing in pain because of all the emotional stress, lack of sleep and hunger.

I'll sleep tonight repeating this prayer in my head.

God grant me the serenity 
To accept the things I cannot change; 
Courage to change the things I can;
 And wisdom to know the difference. 

on and on...

there must be something wrong with me. i keep on believing that somethings may change. but in reality it wont. I am the type of person who has strong faith. faith that leads me to a great amount of disappointments. once again you never fail to disappoint me but i have no regrets. still i did not regret the amount of trust i have given you. i just want to know how much more of this am i supposed to take for you to finally forgive and forget.

these are the times i wish i no longer miss you, i no longer miss you. i no longer want to be with you. but thoses feeling arent that easy to erase from my system. i was wondering how you did it but it would be a futile attempt to try to understand things. being the lesser priority is not at all fun. but getting used to it is not that hard either.

i know i am making an improvement on how i handle things. its a sign of me adapting to the situation. getting used to pain, anger and loneliness. ive managed to reboot myself somehow in someways.

ill be praying for the best in the coming days. :)

quotes...

Its 4am and I'm having a hard time sleeping as always so I decided to do some readings on the internet. I've always been fond of quotes, quotes from famous persons, books, movies or games. It doesn't really matter where it came from. I just love reading them and using them in certain situations. I've been reading quotes for the past minutes and sharing them to my friends when I decided to compile my chosen favorites here in these entry. here are a few of them:

"Doubt thou the stars are fire;
Doubt that the sun doth move;
Doubt truth to be a liar;
But never doubt I love." 
— William Shakespeare (Hamlet)

 "If you can't fly then run, if you can't run then walk, if you can't walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward." — Martin Luther King Jr.
(this particular quote reminded me of the song Crawl by Chris Brown)

"Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving." — Albert Einstein

"I'm the one that's got to die when it's time for me to die, so let me live my life the way I want to." 
— Jimi Hendrix (Jimi Hendrix - Axis: Bold as Love)

"If you cannot see the bright side of life, polish the dull side." 
— Christina Dodd

"It is better to buy one expensive thing that you really like than several cheap ones that you only quite like."
— Helen Fielding

"The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward." 
— Steve Maraboli (Life, the Truth, and Being Free)

"Letting go doesn't mean that you don't care about someone anymore. It's just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself." 
— Deborah Reber (Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul)

"You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect - you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there." 
— Bob Marley

"Sometimes love means letting go when you want to hold on tighter." 
— Melissa Marr (Ink Exchange (Wicked Lovely, #2))

well that's already 10 quotes. and I promised I would only post a FEW of my personal favorites. 

“Some people feel the rain. Others just get wet.” ― Bob Marley

After a month of scorching heat,I was finally able to experience RAIN. My weekend just keeps on getting better and better despite sudden surges of sadness and loneliness I know I can still live through.

I find rains romantic. Experiencing the rain is like how you fall in love. slowly. a few raindrops on you then all at once your whole body is soaked by it.

will be leaving you with a RAIN related song. :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3yWVa0c4eY

Should have gave you all my hours.....

I've been relying on music these past few days and one of the songs that made me reflect on life the most was this song by Bruno Mars. I've known this song for a month now but haven't really given much time to listen to it or even download it. Yesterday I was able to have a soft copy and synced it to my iPod.

This describes how i feel about what's happening in my life right now. Made me think about the things i've done and shouldn't have done.

"When I Was Your Man" - Bruno Mars

"When I Was Your Man"

Same bed but it feels just a little bit bigger now
Our song on the radio but it don't sound the same
When our friends talk about you, all it does is just tear me down
Cause my heart breaks a little when I hear your name

It all just sounds like oooooh…
Mmm, too young, too dumb to realize
That I should have bought you flowers
And held your hand
Should have gave you all my hours
When I had the chance
Take you to every party
Cause all you wanted to do was dance
Now my baby's dancing
But she's dancing with another man

My pride, my ego, my needs, and my selfish ways
Caused a good strong woman like you to walk out my life
Now I never, never get to clean up the mess I made, ohh…
And it haunts me every time I close my eyes

It all just sounds like oooooh…
Mmm, too young, too dumb to realize
That I should have bought you flowers
And held your hand
Should have gave you all my hours
When I had the chance
Take you to every party
Cause all you wanted to do was dance
Now my baby's dancing
But she's dancing with another man

Although it hurts
I'll be the first to say that I was wrong
Oh, I know I'm probably much too late
To try and apologize for my mistakes
But I just want you to know

I hope he buys you flowers
I hope he holds your hand
Give you all his hours
When he has the chance
Take you to every party
Cause I remember how much you loved to dance
Do all the things I should have done
When I was your man
Do all the things I should have done
When I was your man